A Couple of Thoughts Before Mrs. G. Hits the Hay
Sunday, February 26, 2012 at 8:33PM Mrs. G. 
~Mrs. apologizes for the delay in her "Bigger Love" post. She decided to change the theme from home improvement to her colonoscopy. She is finding it difficult to straddle Damon, Pitt and Clooney the line between colon health and pornography. She promises to post it by late Sunday night.
~Mrs. G. has decided that this is absolutely the summer we need to have a Derf/Colony gathering. If this is going to happen, she has to have those of you who have event planning experience step forward. By step forward she means step foward...this is not something Mrs. G. can plan alone unless she limits it to fifteen people and fires up her slow-cooker. She is open to other locations than Washington. Come on, sisters, it's been nearly five years of "knowing" each other. Let's do it. Mrs. G. doesn't know if you are aware how many of you are role models to her, how much she admires your spirit and talent and intelligence. Long story short: she needs to hug you.
~Mrs. G. is typing this while "watching" J. Edgar with Mr. G. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz, perhaps the most boring movie she has seen this year. On a side note, she's not speaking to Mr. G. today and he apparently hasn't noticed. On an even less romantic note, Mrs. G. has finally accepted that she and Mrs. G. are unable to sleep in the same bed Monday through Thursdays due to his thundering snoring (to be fair, he says she snores too but, no disrespect to him, he's lying until he provides audio evidence). She can forego decent sleep on Fridays and Saturdays in order to facilitate the deep discussions that keep their marriage alive. Today, she bought a twin Tempur-Pedic bed off Raigs Ist that will be her weeknight divine divan. Some of you might know that Mrs. G. has said many times that a Tempur-Pedic was one of her "When I get rich" fantasies, but Mrs. G. being Mrs. G. managed to fund her lifetime fantasy for $250. With all the rage in internet/celebrity divorces, she feels compelled to assure you that the DIVORCE post isn't coming. Perhaps sharing the actual reality of her marriage is less than inspiring, but, trust her, the sugar coating of a lifetime of companionship is in her opinion, one reason the divorce rate is so high.
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years." ~Simone Signoret
~Does anyone know where to find aprons for the larger woman with a shelf-like bosom? The upper coverage is never enough with an average sized apron.
Sweet dreams, chickadees.
Reader Comments (71)
Depending on the time frame, I can help with some organization stuff. It's kinda my thing. If I can shepherd around 48 teenaged cheerleaders and feed and clothe them for five day stretches, the Derfs should be a breeze.
Can organise, but can't come.
...it's a whole other continent, geographic issue.
I will send good wishes and wait to hear about all the fun.
Thanks for the warning on J Edgar...now I know to give it a miss.
Here's to a bed of one's own. I think I must have it backwards because I leave the tempurpedic in the middle of the night to go somewhere quieter.
And here's to a derf meet-up wherever and whenever!
If you and your husband are choosing to sleep in separate beds your divorce post won't be long in coming. I've spent the last several day reading most of your posts and you come across as a an unhappy woman in an unhappy marriage trying to pretend she is happy. Maybe if you quit writing posts about other men your marriage would improve. I know this sounds mean but you are the one who brought up reality. Maybe if you lost weight your husband would deal with his snoring problems. Your neck is the size of my thigh.
I meant to also say that your husband is quite handsome so maybe you should quit bitching about him. He has to know there are many other more attractive fish in the sea.
Realistic Woman, I don't even know how to respond to you. If you're goal was to hurt my feelings, you succeeded. You caught me on a bad night. Feel better? I've blocked you from ever commenting again. You suck.
Hey everyone, please don't respond to Realistic Woman. She's banned and don't give her the satisfaction of taking up one more bit of space around here.
Oh, look, a troll who clearly doesn't know anything about anything has already emerged. Isn't that amazing? It always surprises me what unspent aggression and deep unhappiness in one's own life look like in anonymous comments. I hope you delete those comments, Mrs. G.
"She is finding it difficult to straddle Damon, Pitt and Clooney the line between colon health and pornography." made me laugh out loud! Love you forever!
--Barb
1st: let me say that although I cannot participate in planning (I struggle to plan dinner) I am hoping that a gathering happens & that I can come! I don't post much on here (silly social anxiety issues - yes, even on the Internet). But I adore so many of the regular posters & would really love to give hugs all around, too.
2nd: while you're certainly entitled to your (albeit smug) opinions, get a little sense of humanity & decency Realist Woman. If you don't like the blog, leave. And don't let the metaphorical door hit you on your literally judgmental ass on your way out. There's no need for being a troll. You may think of yourself as being *realistic* - but if you honestly believe that sister, you're sadly kidding yourself; you're flat out ignorant, judgmental, & mean to boot. As such, you're not welcome here. I wish you the best - I can't imagine someone as repellant as you having many (if any) true friends.
3rd: sorry Mrs G if I spoke too harshly to that wretched creature just now. I know as a blogger you deal with all sorts of crackers & have the magic ability to let this type of thing roll off like water on a duck's back. I love you (And Mr G) but I guess I (still) lack self restraint when it comes to bullying.
Crap! I was typing my response while you were responding so I didn't see your request to not respond until after. I apologize. She does suck. And you do not deserve to be treated that way. My apologies again. (Perhaps I could work security at the Derfwad gathering, lol) Sending you "thought hugs" & big love tonight....
as i haven't slept on a real bed (except for those forays into the "real world") in about 20 years, i can't comment about the bed thoughts....the snoring problem i understand . and really, if that 'woman who will no longer be tolerated' has a thigh that is the same size as your neck then....good riddance. thin people i truly don't mind....thin people who think they are fuck-all better than anyone else have no business here. buh-bye.
now....this get-together idea....i suggest you gather some Derfs for a 'steering committee'-of sorts kind of meeting....you know...maybe in the spring....late march or early april.....that. would be good.
Brenda, don't sweat it. Since we hang out regularly you can at least attest that my neck is not the size of the average thigh. I will make you come to our gathering (road trip!). I don't know why people are so mean but occasionally it is exhausting and on a bad day, rings true.
Debbie, we need to discuss your visit and how many will be attending our get together. I'll email you. With my purchase of the bed, you now won't have to sleep on the futon on the floor.
Barb, I'm so glad we connected in NYC.
Was going to post a flame about the not-to-be-mentioned troll but, recognising your wishes, will say nothing more than if you need a wingman for the hunting posse I am in!
Thrilled and delighted you all are planning Derfwad 2012, gutted I won't be there. Hoping that merch purch opportunities will be open for those of us who can't get there. Maybe a button that reads 'Derfwad '12, would have been there but for that pesky reality thing'.
Mrs G, claim your weeknight divine divan in with a Virgina Woolfe air - a bed of one's own.
I can't ignore the comments by Realistic Woman even though I am so glad her bitter self is banned. Some of us aren't as shallow as you. Have you spoken to Mr. G? Have you confirmed his feelings regarding his feelings toward his wife of 20+ years or are you just such a miserable human being you can't imagine he finds his wife attractive and loveable? Do you realize this couple saved my relationship by telling me not to floss in front of my partner?
Mrs. G, I would be lost without y0ur commentary but I don't blog specifically because of these kinds of haters. Fuck a duck! Don't let this idiot hurt your feelings!!!!!!!!
You can't expect to share your life online and have everyone write you love notes. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. If you quit whining you wouldn't be a target.
OMG! Mrs. G, Strong suggestion you delete the hater comments. This is *your* space! Don't let the juvenile comments ruin your party! Show them the door, and erase their presence.
I'm too overwhelmed with life in general to help plan, but can muster really good energy to send! I also have a friend who makes aprons, and she, herself, has an ample bosom - I'll email ya the info once I find it.
A Derf gathering?!?! Hell yeah!! Sign me up!! As for the haters? Fuck 'em!!! I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, Mrs. G. I really am. Mean people suck. Just know that you are loved by this Upstate NY chick!!! ❤
Mrs. G,
I've known several couples who've claimed --due to snoring issues--that separate beds saved their marriage. My inlaws (still married 54 years) slept in separate rooms for a long time for that exact reason. A tired wife is not a happy wife. You are doing the right thing. I'm jealous of your tempur-pedic.
I think a Derf reunion is a great idea. Sadly I have an ocean between us so my presence is unlikely. I'll be with you in spirit!
Could it be an anonymous Derf wrote that evil comment as a way of uniting us against a common enemy? Things have been a little touchy around here lately...one Derf has been particularly testy. (won't mention any names, but it rhymes with Schmittle Bama.
Whatever the reason, don't waste your time on those silly comments. They're not worth it.
I am SO in. And for the past two summers I have done the planning for gatherings of 80+ teachers for a week at a time. Happy to help with a committee of planners!
Well! All I can say is that the moon must have been full somewhere on uhhhhmmm "her" planet because mean,nasty crazy was in da house! Geez what is wrong with these dumb ass people? Don't like it here? GOOOOOOOO AWAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!
That being said, Mrs.G, WE LOVE YOU and you know it!
My grandparents had a mutual bed, seperate beds and at one time seperate bedrooms! and were married 62 years! HAPPY years at that and they were good , kind, loving and affectionate people who just were incompatible sleeping together! They had 7 kids together so,,,,something something was going on! I myself would like a seperate sleeping chamber many nights when The Man begins snorring so loud it could strip paint! Doesn't mean I don't love him, Jesus Mary & Joseph people can be STUPID!!! "She" might have a narrow behind but she also has a narrow humorless mind ...just saying!
As for shelf like bosoms and aprons...have no fear! I have made myself several ample numbers and would love to make you one as a gift! Just tell me; chef style basic apron or fun and flirty? Oh what color or fabric would you like? Or I could surprise you as I think we seem to have similar taste in stuff so far. Let me know, I really would love to do that for you! Hugs and thanks for ALL you do to keep us smiling and thinking and keeping our hearts wide open.
Oh, I am Irish and can't help myself..."Realistic (mean, nasty, hateful ) Woman: Kiss me arse! And step on some bees while you are at it! OK, now I feel better, do you Mrs.G?!!!
Mrs. G., I would just like to say that I have known several happily married couples who required separate beds and even separate rooms because of one or the other's sleeping habits. As long as one of the beds is large enough for two for those times when you are NOT sleeping, separate sleeping quarters could ease daytime relations between partners due to less irritability from lack of sleep. Then again, who says non-sleep activities should be limited to a bed? Use your imagination!
P.S. I hope the G children are reading this. It's the sort of thing we like to horrify our teen and young adult children with around here.
I will start saving my pennies now and will do almost anything to attend such festivities!
{(In a low threatening voice) Do not be mean to my beautiful friend Heather or I will cut you!}
My husband's snoring was especially killer when I was deep in the throes of my peri-menopausal insomnia (fortunately that is starting to ease up a bit now).
Mom and dad had separate bedrooms for years too. Dad worked all kinds of crazy shifts, graveyard, swing, plus he liked to read in the middle of the night and mom needed total darkness to get a good night's sleep. If you've got the space for a separate sleeping/reading den of your own I say go for it!
And about the gathering, let me just say: ColoradoColoradoColorado... you could call it "Derfs at Altitude."
Last night, my husband slept on the sofa. He offered to because a) I HAVE A YARN THING TO GO TO TODAY and b) I walked around like a zombie yesterday due to his snoring sounds of the night before last. We've found that a neti rinse and a breathe right strip do wonders, but that requires actually doing it which requires me reminding him and, well, I slept good last night and I'm ready to go yarn shopping with my friend today.
And I lived happily ever after. xo
My hubs is a total night owl and since he works for himself he can afford to be up at all hours of the night finishing projects. He's been like this since before I met him, and he claims that in the still and quiet of the night he's most creative and focused.
Admittedly, I used to get sad all the time about him not being in bed with me, and I did fret about -surely!- the imminent divorce that would soon follow; because how can a couple survive without sharing a bed, right?
But then I saw how much better I sleep without him snoring, moving around, talking, kicking and fighting in his sleep (yes, he's one of those. I took an elbow to the eye one time. Fun times.) Now I wake up refreshed and I love that I have the bed to myself. I feel much better since I get decent sleep and can wake up unbattered.
Side note- The 'I will cut you' reminded me of Bon Qui Qui: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZkdcYlOn5M
Maybe that's exactly what we need around here? SACURITEE!
Well I am struck speechless by the oh nasty one but this is life and bullies love to be able to hit and run. That is why they are bullies.
Let me know when and where - I will see if I can get myself there.
I am in the planning of yet another funeral- yes death has knocked at my door once again, but at least this time it was my 85 year old MIL and not a sibling.
On another note Mrs. G you have brought me many laughs, given me many things to think about and many times have lifted me up when I was flat on the ground. Thank you.
and unrealisticwoman- may you learn compassion somewhere in your life, love and giving, sweetness and light.
Have you looked into sleep apnea? Just a suggestion. It has changed, and saved lives. Also my thirty-something son snores like nothing you can imagine. He and his wife have discovered that there is an optimal weight FOR HIM at which his snoring lessens. And he is not fat. Just a weight cut off for snoring. Maybe helpful?
I too have heard of many a marriage saved by separate sleeping arrangements.
Also appalled by the mean spirit behind that anonymous post. Forget her.
I have fantasies of a new mattress--sweet dreams to you!
For what it's worth, I sleep on the couch a LOT, Mr. D snores and I've got horrible insomnia of late. So it goes--but our partnership is ROCK SOLID, where a person lays their head has nothing to do with it. In fact, I kind of think separate rooms should be okay, we're grown ups and we've earned the right to our own space--as kids many of us were forced to share a room, what's wrong with a bit of privacy, peace and quiet during our resting hours?
If you're looking for a midwest location for Derfwads to unite, I am happy to open my doors and coordinate something here. If you're looking at something coastal, I cannot help plan, but I sure would plan to attend.
The Hubs and I agreed to separate beds a few years ago because of his snoring. Our marriage went through some rocky times but it had nothing to do with THAT - if anything, it kept us both a bit more sweet-tempered (me because I got enough sleep, him ditto because I wasn't constantly punching him in the arm to make him turn over off his back). When we got back together we organized ourselves with a bedroom for each of us (no guest room now but then, we haven't had an overnight guest for years). We sleep well. When the mood strikes, we Visit in the early morning. During the daylight hours, there's lots of spontaneous hugging and snuggling.
You KNOW, all you Derfs (I'm aware I'm preaching to the choir here) that sharing a bed has nothing to do with how strong and loving your marriage is! It all involves so much more than that!!
I love the idea of a Derf get-together and I'm in if I can come. It will mean a trip from Cincinnati to wherever so I'll be watching for dates, etc. I can't help with on-site organizing, obviously, but if sent lists and info can certainly do something involved with communication of details, etc. Just let me know!
"The size of my thigh" indeed. *Snorts*
An affordable Tempur-Pedic, and not lying awake listening to the beloved's snoring? This is genius problem solving. I admire that about you, Mrs. G, and I admire your courage in writing about your life.
If it is possible at all, I would love to attend a Derf gathering. You have articulated so many difficult things for me (and made them funny) over the time I've been reading this blog, and I would love to meet you all!
And last: A gentle, funny movie? You can't watch this in front of little kids, but last night we watched "Our Idiot Brother" and I would give it a thumbs up.
Mrs. G. You flat out ROCK and I hope you know it. Don't let the haters get you down. Someone's momma obviously didn't teach her that if you can't say something nice you shouldn't say anything AT ALL! As Mr. T would say, "Pity the fool".
O.K. Yep, Derf get together. I think I'm in.
(Psssst...Mere ROAD TRIP!!)
psssst- les!:)! Maybe!!!
I'll be a member of a committee to make this event happen! While I have not worked on large scale overnight events, I've got plenty of experience putting on day long or evening events for 200+ guests. Count me in...I'm looking forward to it already!
I hear you on the snoring and am well aware that a night of poor sleep does not contribute to a good relationship of any type. You've made the decision that is right for you. I am not of the same ilk. For some reason, I sleep better rolled up against someone. Snoring or not. However, my partner doesn't snore too often, so I can count my blessings. To each his own.
Once again, Derfs, I feel so much better after coming here...I've been sleeping on the sofa for the past 2 years, fantasizing about "a bed of one's own." So nice to know it's not just me! I love DH dearly but am a very light sleeper to begin with, so once he starts sawing logs it's insomia land for me.
Our daughter is off to college in the fall....I'll miss her but I am really looking forward to being able to sleep in a bedroom again. And Mrs. G, you rock. Big hugs and love to you; as my dad used to say, "don't let the bastards get you down."
Sorry Mrs G, but I'm glad you spill it. Isn't this what friends are for? To listen to each other's whining, complaining, to sympathize with? How many of us sit here, nodding our heads when someone else complains or discusses a hard topic that we can identify with, or laugh out loud at the funny comments and situations. Friends and family: it's good stuff and bad shit. Good grief. I am guilty of making an awful comment directed at Mrs. G a long while ago, which I immediately regretted, was forgiven for, and in defense, it was made because I missed her so. Glad you have banned the bully.
Oh please. I wake up if someone down the street rolls over in bed! I think separate beds* AND separate rooms^ is ideal for keeping a marriage TOGETHER! Just because two people love each other and want to be together for eternity during their waking hours doesn't mean they have to endure night times of sleeping hell. And days of being a cranky zombie. SO HAPPY for you Mrs. G, for your own little slice of sleepytime heaven. Sweet dreams!
ps:* I have neither. Yet.
"oooohh, Haterz! I wiiill CUUUT you." (that is me being Bon QuiQui)
This is exciting! A derfgathering! You know, for those limited in travel money or time, perhaps we could also have smaller DerfParties at satellite locations. And we could have a Skype toast to each other!!
I hope you are feeling better by now, Mrs. G. I'm in for the shindig and I'm fairly local so I can help.
I've got my own snoring guy here and it honestly worries me. My dad snored big time as well but he has some kind of "Darth Vader" mask that he wears at night and he no longer snores. I'm not sure what if does but it works! My mom is very happy.
Mrs. G, I love you. We love you! You are loved!
Shelf-like bosom? I know all about that. Chefwear.com is great for wacky, long-lasting aprons. Etsy might be useful, too, if you ask your intended crafter/seller about making a size just for you.
(Here's to comfy knit tops and bras that fit, too!)
I know we aren't meant to respond, but at first I acutally thought the hater post was sarcasm or hyperbole because it was such a parady of hateful comments. But, alas. The person posting is probably a parody of a person.
You are brave and put yourself in a vulnerable position, which in turn makes it more safe for the rest of us to be vulnerable, and we all attest to the benefits here on a regular basis.
Abou the gathering, I would try, but the realities of work obligations and financial obligations may rear thier ugly heads. But try I would. And I second the long distance skype-digital presence, and sattelite groups in regional areas.
Happy Sunday to you all.
I am so excited about the possibility of a get together if that works out and I can afford it. Would love to get to know you folks. Hope you enjoy many restful nights on your new mattress. Makes good, solid, practical sense to me. Love ya, kiddo.
This site sells aprons like (somebody's) grandmother used to wear: http://home.earthlink.net/~daveandgrace/index.html
Absolutely in on the Gathering! This summer.
I'm hoping it will be in or near Seattle. I hope this primarily so my Beloved and I can be there even though I continue to be unemployed. But most importantly, I hope that all the Derfs can gather at the Troll down on Troll Street. We'll lay a wreath in honor of all the twisted, bitter, half-formed, Voldemort-like souls who feel compelled to leave steaming spiritual turds in our cyber cornflakes.
Or our real lives. Whatever.
Enjoy your day, Mrs. G. You are seriously lovely. You do important work. And we appreciate you.
We have our sleep rituals - sometimes it's because of snoring and sometimes it's because one of us can't sleep and needs to turn on the light and read. He goes to the living room couch; I go to the little couch in his office. If I snore, he sleeps in the guest room; if he snores I end up on the office couch. It's not often, though, we still enjoy sleeping in the same bed.
But you've convinced me that maybe I should look into a new mattress for the guest room.
I'd love a summer get together - although we are taking a rather long trip in July.
As to the hater - I don't understand what kind of shriveled soul would find satisfaction in making that kind of hit-and-run comment. I pity her.
Good lord, that person really didn't like you! Whew! It's going around. I usually don't get unpleasant comments (because I am so wonderful?), but today an Anonymous wasn't so kind. Some people just don't understand the blog that they are commenting on. Anywhoo, I was smarting over it, until I came here and read your nasty commenter. Now I feel better, because mine wasn't that bad. So, see? She made someone happy.
I echo the person who recommended that Mr. G look into a CPAP machine. People swear by them - they feel more rested and energetic because they sleep better. My husband wakes himself up a million times a night with his snoring and irregular breathing, but he doesn't realize it.
Just the thought of Mr. G deciding there are other fish in the sea cracks me up.
Oh, and the apron thing bothers me, too. Standard aprons look rather silly on us well-endowed types.
Aunt Snow, I mis-read your comment and thought you said "shit-and-run" but I guess that works too.
Separate rooms is a sleep saver in this house ... he likes the radio, tv and/or computer at night ... he likes to sleep late, I like to get up early. This way I can sleep and not tiptoe around in the morning ... works for us, which is really all that matters.
Haters gonna hate. I feel sorry for not so-Realistic Woman and 'ss' because their lives must suck a whole hell of a lot to talk smack about someone on the internet. They make pills for that kind of mental illness, ladies. Talk to your doctors.
Anyway, my husband and I have had separate bedrooms for almost 10 years now. He alleges that I snore (I'm like you Mrs. G., pics or audio or it didn't happen), and I know he snores like a wood-chipper at full throttle. Having separate rooms guarantees that we both get rest and we're happier people.
A gathering of the Derfs (Derfstock? Derfapalooza?) sounds grand! I would love to be able to come.
Whoa! Realistic woman is......I won't type the word, but good lord....
Anyhow, has your husband been tested for sleep apnea? Two friends of mine have husbands who snored really loudly, and both ended up with a diagnosis of sleep apnea---which is dangerous by the way---and both now have Cpap machines (something like that) and it has changed their lives.
And I love your blog in all of its incarnations. Don't let the meannies get to you.
I'd love to come to a gathering!! Maybe I can manage a road trip from NJ to WA. Anyone want to carpool? I wish I could help plan but spring is my crazy time at work.
Mrs. G - I am an event manager by trade - I would love to help you with a summer get together. Best to lock the date and location in as soon as we can. And - sweet husband and I spslurged (yes, still paying for it) kind sized temperpedic bed a few years ago. Pure bliss!