Friday
Feb242012
Weekend Witness!
Friday, February 24, 2012 at 6:14PM Mrs. G. 
"Geisha Girls in Kyoto" by Shadowgate
Need an ear, a shoulder, a slug of scotch or a fellow sister to attest, affirm, bear witness, uphold or verify your good, your bad, your ugly? You can't experience life without feeling it and in Mrs. G's experience, you can't feel it without out sharing it, both the cool and the oh so uncool. Let's lift each other up.
All you have to do is pull up a chair, unhook your bra get comfortable, plant your feet and testify.
tagged Back Talk, weekend witness
Back Talk, weekend witness
Reader Comments (65)
I just noticed that my hands look really old. Were there some exercises I was supposed to do to prevent that?
I found a turd in my washing machine. 1 rogue pair of little boy size 5 briefs in the wrong load and 1 f-ing turd.
Also, I'm getting wrinkles around my eyes. The same day I went and bought eye cream a lady came into my husband's office and asked him how old he is thinking he was a new college graduate. I told him it's his damn fault I need the eye cream. Jackhole.
My nine year old is driving me CRAZY! She's always been the "strong-willed" one, but lately I feel like locking her in her room and not letting her out until she's 25! I'm worried that puberty is starting to rear its ugly head and things will only get more difficult before they get better. The other day she was mad her brother, so when his friend came over to hang out she slammed the door in his face! The poor kid was an innocent bystander to her meltdown. Not only that, but her meltdowns seem to coincide with my own hormonal fluctuations. So, I'm trying to remain calm and rational, when really I'm hanging on by a thread myself.
As long as I'm unloading (and talking about hormones) I feel like my medical provider is blowing me off. I'm having some issues with my womanly parts, but apparently the only thing the assigned 15 year old Physician's Assistant knows how to diagnose is a yeast infection, and if it's not that there must not be anything wrong. The other day I practically had to beg him to give me a pelvic exam. I was this close to saying, "You get in there and feel around and see if there's something growing that's not supposed to be! Otherwise, explain to me why I'm having all these problems!" It's a good thing he didn't tell me it was all in my head, or I might have really blown my top.
Whew! That feels better....thanks for letting me vent.
I haven't updated for a few weeks, but just thought I'd let you know that I am still on track. Eating better, exercising 3 or more nights a week for 1.5 - 2 hours. I have lost 20 lbs, I feel better, my clothes are loose, and I am still highly motivated. I still have a long way to go, but I am still determined! Thank you all for the kind words and motivation so many weeks ago.
Oh, Jen H. That is worse than any fugitive panty liner. You deserve a Xanax Smoothie!
Littlemama, maybe you could ask for an ultrasound to put your mind at ease. That's the only way I discovered I had an ovarian cyst years ago that was causing a lot of pain.
Just Me, way to go! You are worth the effort.
I have night sweats nearly every night. I understand the "old" feeling. Nothing like waking up smelling like a gym mat each morning.
Xanax smoothies for everyone! Just Me, I'm so happy for you. The power of women supporting each other is a thing to behold.
Just Me - that rocks! You are awesome. I have got as far as buying trainers (runners) and tracksuit pants. That counts as a step in the right direction, no?
The wife's birthday is in a couple of days. She is deep into her 50s, one hawt cougar, and we have some celebratin' to do this week :)
Mrs G, your photo is very fitting this week. My youngest is travelling in Asia and her expensive upgrade to international texting doesn't work. Not being in touch is driving me slightly mad but it's offset by the way the house is staying a whole lot tidier.
Lines around the eyes, veins on the back of hands; they're signs of character. That's my story and I'm sticking with it. Lots and lots of character.
Well done, Just Me.
Good for you to insist, littlemama. I hope all checks out okay.
Wish your lovely wife a happy birthday from us, Gary.
I have a beautiful new grandbaby. She arrived two months after my mother's death and I'm struggling to grasp joy when I'm still mired in grief. I wish my mum had lived to see me become a grandmother. Tonight I'm going to cuddle this dear little lamb and remind myself anew that life is a circle.
You know how we've all been watching Downton Abbey on PBS, right?
Think of Maggie Smith (the Dowager Countess). Now think of Joan Rivers. Think of their faces.
Wouldn't you rather be awesome and snarky and wrinkly like Maggie instead of smooth and strange and fake like Joan?
WRINKLES ROCK.
Oh, BTW: How fab was the last episode of Downton? ::sigh::
So I registered for my first ever 5k in May and the Dirty Girl Mud Run ( http://www.godirtygirl.com/) in September!!! I've been working out 4-6 times a week for about 12 weeks now. I've lost 11 lbs and have gotten considerably stronger. My girlfriends and I have started a secret FB group that is now 40 members strong and it is so encouraging and inspirational and motivating!!! I just can't believe I'm actually enjoying the workouts and training. Girlfriends are powerful allies and can make anything happen!
Happy Weekend to all you Derfs!!
ps--Jen H. reading that you found a turd in your washing machine almost made me spit out my tea!!!
It's been a struggle for me this month. My life in in transition, and I have been at loose ends for a while now. I made an appointment for counseling, and he felt I was depressed and suffering from a generalized anxiety disorder. He referred me for meds. What a confront. How do I know I am depressed? I don't wake up every day and think to myself, "I am sad". I wake up and think, "Holy fuck! What have I forgotten and what can I do to keep up?" Anyway, I relented and swallowed the pills. One week into the regime...I feel a little better, but weird. Removed. I don't know if this is the right thing or not. I am not the person I used to be, and I am not particularly fond of the person I have become. I hope this is the right way to fix myself...I am afraid I will just become numb.
Here is my vent. I've been asked by four, yes FOUR, people in my office in the last two months whether I'm pregnant! I am not. I had a miscarriage at Thanksgiving. I would have been due in June. I don't want to be asked these questions. I hope these people see the short hurt in my eyes before I cover it up with a smile.
Yesterday was the newest with "you look especially glow-y, is there anything to tell us?" What the hell people?!?! Before the miscarriage, I was on a 'June 2012' pregnancy website and, I think, a woman in my office saw the site before I could click it closed. I think she talked to other people about it though. WTH?!
I asked my husband if I'm looking especially round in the tummy or something (not that my lovely, smart man would tell if I were). He said no, but he also said that HE knows never, ever to ask a woman that question even if it looks like she has a beer-gut. He's a teacher and works with lots of women; he's seen too many men go down in flames with that question. I guess we need more child-bearing women in my office to teach these guys a lesson.
(string of curses) When am I going to learn to copy my comment first in case the site rejects it? Maybe I'll try again after another cup of coffee.
Just Me, I was thinking of you yesterday wondering how you were doing. Thanks for mind-reading my inquiry, and you go girl!
Jen H, I laughed at the turd in your washer. I want to say I'm sorry for laughing but I'm not, really. It was a great chuckle!
My whole bedroom is torn to pieces. I just wanted to replace the ugly, disgusting, (and blue! wtf) carpet we inherited from the previous owners, but then the underlying flooring was warped, so up comes that. And then the wall was uneven, so tear that down. And hubs decided he wanted two outlets on that wall now that we're at it, so oh! the joy of watching him play electrician.
I feel like such a bitch, though. You know, in a very "My home renovations are taking longer than expected, UGH." first world problem- kind of way. Really, why do I even complain?
So grateful for the weekend.
I finally made a real and solid friend in my not-so-new hometown. She has a great sense of humor, is an artist, good conversationalist. My own friend, not someone my husband introduced me to, or feels obligated to be nice but truly has nothing to say to me.
Only problem, she is 77. So I doubt she want to out with me and get tipsy and vent about kids and husbands.
But I won't question a true friend, rare and far and few between.
But damn, I really need a girlfriend to go out with.
After a year and a half here I can count two people as friends I can hang with, visit, share a laugh. One is 77 , the other is 23, a half korean southern baptist who doesn't drink and has never dated.
I feel like I need a dating site.
I caught some bug this week (stomach related) and it has taken me two full days to recover. I still don't feel great, but I do feel better.
I am struggling with some ministry issues at my church. I have taken the stand of speaking truth to power, and may find my name is mud in certain circles. I don't know where this will lead, but I know I can't be silent. It's nothing illegal, or immoral per se, just a theological nightmare that I see certain people heading towards and I won't be a part of it. They are only looking at it from a 'ooh, shiny new thing' perspective, not a deeper viewpoint.
And my DH? While wonderful, doesn't give a rat's ass about it. So I can't bounce off of him.
Two sets of Aunts/Uncles coming on Saturday. YIKES! Time to clean house!
My inlaws are having a medical crisis and since I work at the hospital they are using, everything that goes wrong (and it HAS been wrong) is my fault. Even though someone forgot to mail me my medical degree and my hospital management degree and my nursing degree, I am still the go-to punching bag.
On the one hand, I understand it. They need to vent to someone and I'm an easy target. Things are not going to get any better from here on out. But on the other hand I just want to stand up and shout "Leave me the fuck out of it! I didn't do this!"
I won't do that. I can't. But oh how I want to.
Emile, I'm so sorry that the people you work with are so insensitive. I do know how you feel; I have had 3 miscarriages myself. The pain gets easier to bear. It takes time. You never forget the baby. I don't think there's a day when I don't think about mine.
Emile,
So sorry for what you've been going through at work. It sounds like they definitely know about the pregnancy website, but don't know anything about the tragic update. This will pass. Can I ask you, what have you said in response? Are you relying on those hurt looks to convey the news, or have you looked any of these buffoons in the eye and merely stated the truth: "Well, I was expecting, but, sadly we lost the baby. It was a very difficult time, and I hope you'll understand if I'd prefer not to talk about it." I would bet that you'd only have to give this little speech once, and word would get around. People really do want to be supportive, at least I hope they do.
And I'm not saying the following about your situation at all, but, in general, I've NEVER understood it when women wait until the third month of a pregnancy before they will breath a word about it. Why? They've been conditioned to keep silent in-case-something-goes-wrong. Brain washed almost. Who benefits from this? If the worst happens, then we're left with a horrible loss that know one knows about and no one helps us with. Why do we feel that we shouldn't bother others with what , for most of us will be one of the worst tragedies of our lives? Imagine losing a spouse or a parent, but trying to go through the mourning process in secrecy. I will never forget when I went through a miscarriage years ago. There were medical complications, so I had no choice but to share the news with a number of people at work. I'll never forget how supportive and tender they were, and how one person in particular (a man, as it turns out) reached out with his own stories and concern for me in a way I NEVER would have expected. It was a tremendous help. And it gave me a whole new respect about how careful and considerate people can be in such situations--given the chance.
Littlemama - I can relate. I have a nine-year-old daughter with a dual personality: charming, helpful, funny girl/Dick Cheney. She goes from playing nicely with her sister to all out war in 30 seconds sometimes. And I'm pretty certain that puberty hormones are making the situation worse. And, like you, I'm starting to get the perimenopause ups and downs myself. The other occupant of the house, my twelve-year-old daughter, cycles between being a laid-back preteen and being a prickly ball of easily-hurt feelings. Sigh. I think that I might just plant a sign in the front yard that says, "Casa del Estrogen, Enter at Your Own Risk."
Just Me - Way to go!
Emile - I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It's very hard, I know, I've been there myself. It seems like the good gossip, when a wedding is coming, or a new baby, gets broadcast far and wide, but people are reluctant to share the sadder news out of respect for the person involved, but it always backfires when people who haven't heard about the miscarriage ask you about your pregnancy. The husband of a friend of mine specifically asked me to let the people in the office know about his wife's miscarriage so that she wouldn't face the same thing that you are facing.
As for me, a busy weekend tackling Mount St. Laundry. I'm very good at washing and drying, but I suck at folding and putting away. At our house, we are always clean, but we are often wrinkled. We are expecting a snowstorm this afternoon, about 20cm by the time it's finished, so I'm pulling out the crockpot and the breadmaker. I think some baked potato soup and some French bread will be just the ticket for dinner.
Have a fabulous weekend, Derfs!
Oh, wah! I woke up Tuesday morning with a bug-bite on my butt, and it's just gotten more and more inflamed. Since I already had a routine doctor's appointment yesterday, I asked my doctor to take a look (Look at my butt! because I can't see it!) And guess what? I've got SHINGLES!
That and I'm just getting so freaking tired of my job, but of course I can't quit. My boss is in total meltdown; she's unable to balance all the issues she's dealing with - annual budget, writing an RFP, negotiating a contract, etc - and she's almost completely abandoned any day-to-day issues of our operations, plus she's a hypochondriac. So life is a series of 1) being assigned an urgent report to research, write and put on her desk by tomorrow 2) being summoned to an emergency meeting about something else 3) having the emergency meeting cancelled because she's out sick 4) submitting the urgent report which disappears into the void 5) two weeks later getting a demand for another copy of the urgent report, with all financial data updated with new projections.
But hey, the sun is shining, it's warm, and I work two block from the beach.
Trying to organize my son's room before he gets back from a trip...it's amazing what just putting away laundry will do. Now if only I could get my own s**t together.
Emile, I had a miscarriage three years ago and my son died at 38 weeks last February. I have found that the best way to get people to stop asking painful questions is to just tell them the truth and shame them into minding their own business. I've not quite figured out how to avoid the "is this your first child" question during this pregnancy, but that's another issue. An alternative is to remind them nicely that the contents of your uterus are a private matter that you'd rather not discuss. The word "uterus" helps with the MYOB part.
Oh, you have no idea how much I thank God it's Friday. Work bites, I'm having hot flashes again because of the Tamoxifen, I hate clutter and am overwhelmed by it because I'm married to a pack-rat (OK, let's be honest - borderline hoarder), and my youngest son apparently just realized that he would be moving from Virginia to Tennessee THIS WEEKEND and needs a U-Haul, for which...wait for it...he hasn't enough money. Do they ever grow up? Do we ever get over feeling responsible and guilty when they need something? I know I would have rather eaten nails than ask my parents for money. Probably because I knew they wouldn't have given it to me. Hmmm...
On the bright side, same son graduated this morning from Aircraft Electrician school at Ft. Eustis. Woo-hoo to him because for a while it was not at all certain that he would make it through.
Emile: follow that advice about telling people what you're going through. It's my experience that people are frequently stupid but also kind-hearted and genuinely empathetic.
Have a great weekend, Derfs. I plan to sleep very late, eat very well, and tackle some of the piles of crap that are making me very cranky. Oh - and I'm going to the store today to get black cohosh. Hope it works...
OH! And littlemama - GET ANOTHER DOCTOR. If you think something's wrong, something probably is and you should not rest until you find out what it is. If your insurance will pay or you can afford it, get that ultrasound.
Sorry for all the caps today. I'm feeling feisty.
Happy Birthday to the Mrs, Gary! Love that you call her "Tastycakes"!
Anon for the 2nd time, I also wake up saying the same thing, or pretty close to it. It's sometimes worse. Many years ago I was put on Prozac, and didn't like the weird way it made me feel either. Husband didn't like it because I was getting "mouthy". Apparently I was saying what I was thinking. Gee, imagine that. Anyway, I took myself off it after a few months. Now I'm perimenopausal, wish I could stop time for about 3 (or more!) months to catch up, recoup, and change the way I think. My mantra has always been "some day", and at 54, I am realizing "some day" better come pretty soon so I can enjoy it. damn.
molly, a dating site for friends isn't a bad idea.
Dear Ken (who left a very urgent, yet very vague message on my voicemail),
If the matter is as truly urgent as you insist that it is and I MUST call you back immediately, I'm going to need a little more information. Such as a last name and maybe an employer. And a small clue as to the urgent matter would be helpful too. Until then I am going to respectfully decline to waste my time returning your phone call.
Also, SNOW DAY! Good thing -- the kids are entertaining themselves by digging through the toy bins and playing with toys they haven't played with in months. Bad thing -- they have a small problem putting the toys back and it looks like Toys R Us threw up in my basement. Good thing -- if I'm smart I'll sort through the toys before putting them away. Bad thing -- if I make my kids put the toys away, I won't be able to put any in the donate pile. It's so easy to ignore just how much stuff we have when it's all tucked away in toy bins.
Just me and Becky -- please send me some of your gumption and fortitude. And great job on the weight loss and exercise. Yay!
Kate, you hit the nail on the head!
These past few weeks have been crazy up and down, up and down. Great self-realization about my marriage, great Valentines Day, Got into Michigan, Grandma was sick and we don't know if she'll live through this, got into Pittsburgh, feeling depressed for no reason, constant worries about my Grandma, trying to slog through homework, housework, husband time, baby time. Good. Lord. I want a damn vacation from LIFE.
@Caro: oh, I feel you on the home improvement. It's completely understandable to be irritable about it!
@Aunt Snow: take it easy until you're all better - my dad had it and it laid him up for a good long while.
Hugs to all Derfs needing one this week.
This week I finally got a decent break in my job-hunting quest. I applied for a job I really want, and I'm through to the online testing stage. It's 'verbal reasoning' and I score badly on practice tests (those tests throw the legally trained into a spasm because every answer is 'cannot say' unless the wording of the paragraph is supremely tight and there's NO ambiguity). The other test is inductive reasoning, which I am better at. If I get through those, I'll be called to interview. Here's the kick: this is a mass-recruitment exercise for this employer, and the week they have scheduled for the interview stage is the exact week I am out of the country. I called to ask if there's flexibility and the answer was 'take the tests and see if you get an interview, then we'll talk, but probably not on the flexibility thing.' So, I need as many good thoughts as I can muster about a) passing those tests and b) them showing flexibility either through seeing me at a different time, or by agreeing to a conference call while I'm abroad. They'll only tell me if I've been selected for interview on 13th March, and I fly on 18th March. That leaves me two days come to a compromise with them, or cancel my trip and go to the interview. I am desperately trying not to worry about it, but frankly GAH. 2012 has been a hateful year for me so far and it's about time something went my way. Let's hope this is it.
@Caro: sometimes hearing about other people's "first world problems" helps tilt the world back on its axis.
I learned that from a good acquaintance of mine who was dying of metastasized cancer. Everyone was so hesitant to complain around her because, let's face it, she could easily have taken the gold medal in the Complaint Olympics. She's the one who made it clear that it was NOT a competition, that our problems are STILL problems no matter what anyone else's are, and she wanted to be an ear for us as we were for her.
And so we complained together until the end - as well as laughed and told stories and shared other good things in our lives.
So say something when you need to let it out. Others may have more and greater things to let out, but that doesn't erase the need you have to let it out.
(insert complaint about former prospective landscaping contractors who don't f*cking LISTEN when I keep telling them the project cannot grow beyond the current scope because of budget constraints. Yes, I KNOW the rest of that stuff needs doing. It's just not happening NOW. That's why this is now a former prospective constractor.)
Littlemama - Get another doctor, asap! Don't take any crap from any medical people. And request an ultrasound, cover all the bases. Molly - You have hit the nail on the head with the dating site, or as I like to call it, "Find a Friend" site. I could sure use one, cause I can't find any in my neck of the woods: I mean real, talk about anything, kind of friends. I am a decent, positive, funny person who can talk about anything and everything, and I'm tired of talking to women who feel they must correct or censure me, or who act like everyone else's opinion doesn't count for much, or who says things like, "I don't watch t.v," or "I don't eat chocolate":) So, who is going to be the first to invent that friend match-up site and make millons?!
I am still all ragey about the amniocentesis stuff. I've been doing all kinds of research, talking to friends, writing bits & pieces. If I ever pull it all together it will be a mammoth blog post or a series of posts. It's weird because before this became news recently, access to amnios was not even on my radar. I've been trying to figure out why this story leapt out at me more than others, and I think it's because of how traumatic my pregnancy was, the one where I had an amnio.
We thought everything was fine until the 20-week ultrasound which is when the tech & then the high risk doc (who was called in) found spots on my son's brain, spots they couldn't explain. I was so excited that day to find out if it was a girl or boy - I wanted a boy for my husband - and the day ended in total terror. We went to see a counselor in the hospital who told me about her disabled child and how much of a blessing he/she was. But I didn't want a disabled child! I wanted my perfect little boy. Then we saw a specialist who showed us horrible photos of babies and children that were malformed, who had the condition they thought was possibly the culprit of the brain spots. They leaned in that direction because guess what, I did have a first cousin with that condition.
That specialist counseled us repeatedly to consider abortion and we were not having it. I didn't want a child like this but it was even worse to have to advocate FOR that child to a medical professional who had decades of experience and was telling us there was no point.
The thing was, we had no idea what was truly wrong. So we got the amnio because at the very least we'd know for sure whether he had the genetic disorder that my cousin had. The results came back clean - no disorder. But, still no diagnosis. The rest of my pregnancy (the whole second half) was full of fear and second-guessing and trying to manage my stress so I didn't cause any more harm than was possibly already done. It was horrible.
The good news is that as time went on, the doctors were able to determine more & more, and with testing right after birth, my son was diagnosed with arachnoid cysts in his brain. We've monitored them and have seen no problems.
So when I think about what my pregnancy would have been like without the amnio - dealing with the scary specialist, not having the relief of knowing it wasn't the terrible genetic disorder - I don't know what I would have done. And if insurance wouldn't have covered my test, it would have been a major struggle for us to come up with the money. We would have scraped it together eventually, or my family would have given it to us, but that would have been just that much more stressful. And in my case, there was time - a whole 20 weeks - to get the test taken. In some cases, like when babies are pre-term and the amnio helps determine if the baby's lungs are mature enough so they can breathe outside the womb, there isn't time to scrape together money.
This small piece of health care is attached to such an emotionally trying time for me, and for most people - you don't have the test unless there's a concern of some sort. I am just sickened by the inaccuracies being thrown out by Santorum and bloggers who have NO KNOWLEDGE of what it's like to be a woman in that position. They're not even using accurate stats, and as every day goes by, more and more facts are left out of the articles and blog posts.
One woman on a blog supporting Santorum's statements said that when parents get amnios so they can be better prepared for life with a disabled child (i.e. I'm not going to abort, I need to know so I can get ready if I have to), that it's just a "schtick". I know that I can't expect anyone to hold my hand while having these conversations, and the anonymous internet is no place to look for kind words, but that just took my breath away. Here I was, agonizing over what we were going to, agonizing over the miniscule chance of miscarriage from the amnio, trying my hardest to want the life inside of me NO MATTER WHAT, and this lady thinks that people only use the need to prepare as a schtick so that we can keep pumping out abortions?
Oh, Ashley. I just ... this debate must just make you explode. I'm SO glad your son's ok. But I can only imagine The Rage you must feel.
((trying to hold your hand))
Ashley,
I can understand your anxiety over this. I truly can. I try to take a step back and say to myself, "Really? Are we really saying after all these years that we have to again open the topic of birth control? The topic of pre-natal testing? Have we really gone back that far in time?" And, so far, my considered answer is "no." There is certainly a great deal of sound and fury on these topics, but remember that polls show that the vast majority of Americans are still sane on these topics, regardless of what the media would have us believe (and the loud crazies who have discovered an internet soapbox from which to spread their hate). I comfort myself with the knowledge that most of the rhetoric amounts to election year grandstanding. It's easy to forget that when you're wrapped up in the thick of it. So far I still have faith that, after the election, we can go back to worrying about making our country a better place for all citizens rather than re-inventing the wheel on the vital importance of women's health care. Fingers crossed, for all our sakes.
Today is feeling like a "life sucks" and "I can't do anything right" kind of day. I, too, could use some friends. While I do have 2 friends here, they are friends I have known for a long time (I met one 35 years ago, the other 25 years ago). I haven't been able to make a new friend since I moved here 7 months ago.
Kudos to all of you rockin' it (Just Me, Gary's wife, and others)
Hugs to so many of you...
Aunt Snow, I'm so sorry about the Shingles. I had a mild case at the beginning of the month. It sucked. In trying to find a silver lining for you, maybe you can miss a few days of work!?
Aunt Snow, the wife and her sister both had shingles, and some say its worse pain than childbirth, holy cats! I hope you do OK!
Back to the Oscars, do women love Owen Wilson as much as this straight guy, me, does? I mean hell, there are times I want to BE HIM, except for the fact that I am, no doubt, in real life, far happier. But shoot, the mellow vibe he projects, and that way he wears his clothes...that could be ME.
(and Galiena,the wife is awesome and would be your best friend and I embarrass the hell out of her, she tells me not to blog her as tastycakes or anything else..but I do anyway)
(Navelhowife--the whole not giving a rat's ass? men are that way. I am a man, I know. I think all we care about is baseball and beer. And becoming Owen Wilson. I am very sorry about that, on behalf of all men. I think we need to try HARDER TO care, i really do----owen seems to......)
…I won’t get dragged into this again except to say that I agree that the government has no place in deciding whether or not we get prenatal testing or birth control. I do know how it feels to worry that your child might have some sort of life threatening/debilitating disability, and the waiting is torturous. I’m glad your son is ok.
Molly, I’m totally onboard with the find-a-friend website. We move every 2-3 years and the friend-finding part is one of the hardest parts of my mobile lifestyle. This will sound clichéd, but I’ve found that the best thing to do is get out of the house. Join the library book club, volunteer for a cause you believe in, even just taking daily walks around the neighborhood. Do you happen to have a dog? We don’t, but it always seems like dog people make friends faster because of all the dog walks they have to take (just an observation). If you do meet someone that you connect with, don’t be afraid to ask for a number or email address. Trust me, that is VERY hard, and it’s taken me a long time to get to that point, but what’s worse is not getting the info and kicking yourself after you’ve lost your chance. Chances are, that other person is looking for a friend too. Hang in there…I know it’s hard...it is a lot like dating.
Thanks for the encouragement from you guys with my own woman problems. I wish it were as easy as asking for an ultrasound. The military docs have no qualms about saying, “No, we’re not going to order that test.” They don’t make any extra money out of it, and it’s not like I can go out and find another doctor, especially since we’re overseas. I am going to keep pushing for answers and I’m considering switching medical clinics (which is its own bureaucratic nightmare) but hopefully I can get a female doctor who might be a little more sympathetic.
And Alison, THANK YOU for commiserating on the daughter issues. Your “Casa Del Estrogen” sign idea cracked me up. They do seem to go through a Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde phase, don’t they? At the school conferences when the teacher told me she’s a wonderful student and she could probably run the class, I thought he had the wrong parent. When I told him she giving up quite a bit of trouble at home, he looked at me like I had two heads. At least she behaves in public—that’s a good thing, right?
I came back to say thank you to Aunt Snow. I had a painful rash that went from my bottom up through the perineum. I got out a hand mirror to see what the hell was going on. Then googled rashes and decided it was probably shingles. I didn't actually have anyone else look at it or get a proper diagnosis because well, shingles on your a** and girly parts is embarrassing. Everyone else that I know that has had shingle had it on a more proper, dignified body part -- stomach, arms, face, back. So this is to say I am soooooo glad to know I'm not the only one.
And I really hope you can stand at work.
Thanks, ladies. Truly, I didn't bring that up to start any sort of debate. I just kept typing, and typing. And then crying, so I shut my office door, and then my boss decided to come in without knocking. It has been "a day".
I'm all for the BFF matchmaking site. I've wanted something like that so many times. I have a lot of online friends (including real-life friends I no longer live near) and a lot of single/no kids work friends who live in the city, but I only have one friend out in my area of the suburbs. I have no one I can do that "want to come over in your sweats and we'll squeal over Adam Levine and criticize singers on The Voice?" thing with. Doesn't have to be planned, doesn't have to last for hours and hours (but it can totally turn into that), she doesn't care if my house is chaotic & the kids are banshees. We borrow money and milk and babysit each other's kids in pinches and . . . does this even exist? Is it just a pretend girlfriend scenario that we've grown up believing in because of movies, just like we think about love, which is usually nothing like the movies?
Shoot, I'm down with a website. Does someone know how to code & build a site? I'll make sure people know about it. I'm totally serious.
I only stop by to say hello...life is just heaping it on right now.....I'll be back when i can...in the meantime...i love you gals/derfs
My clinic recently went to an All-TV-All-The-Time policy. Every waiting room. The one in the lab. The one in the doctor's office. In the day surgery center. I swear to god, if they ever give me reason to stomp off and find a new clinic, finding one without T.V.'s will be one of my first priorities. Seriously.
First World problem--I know. Just needed to vent.
Just read an amazing short story that I wanted to share with you derfs.
ILU-486
I don't know the author, never heard of her before this morning. But in view of our ongoing discussion of women's health, contraception, the Virginia laws.....and since so many of you all are talented writers and readers, go read.
Oh, my goodness, kelly g! I'm so sorry. Mine is just on my tailbone area.
My doctor prescribed some antiviral medication for me - she said it doesn't necessarily "heal" it, but it lessens the severity and duration, and - more important - helps prevent new outbreaks and prevents it from spreading. So if you can, DO please consult your doctor and get some medication for it. My outbreak seems to be staying stable.
Also, if you are older than your mid '50s, you can get a vaccination against shingles. I don't understand why the age limit, but apparently shingles are more common and more severe in older people.
Bloody hell! You women all know how to go through it. Sympathy and a hug to all those in need.
Nic - sending good vibes Eastward for the job thing.
Totally inconsequential in the great scheme of things, but today I finally took down my Christmas tree. I have been sick on and off since September, with the worst of it happening right around the New Year. Life has been sort of a blur since then. With the loss of strength and energy, I've had to prioritize things, and that tree? WAY down on the list. But now I feel like my year is just beginning. It's so good to feel GOOD again! Hugs to all the Derfs who are navigating rough waters.
Diana Carol, I have been thinking of you and hoping things are going well!
@ Gary, thanks for the laugh! My DH thinks I take all church stuff too seriously, and he's probably right. But I also know that neither one of you would write such a condescending email as I got today from the person (male) who I voiced my concerns to.
On the friend issue
I have a whole list of acutal reasons why it is hard:
1. lefty liberal moves to dead center of bible belt for love
2. Lives in Oklahoma and does not like athletic events
3. first time living in suburbia, feel like the life has been sucked out of me
4. The parents I meet are super duper kid focused and have no goals or social life of their own
5. my husband is 15 years older than me, his friend group goes to bed at like 630 or so.
6. I work from home, for myself, not a lot of workplace chatter
7. My daughter has some special needs, most other parents aren't up for hanging out or sitting
8. My husband's ex is a horrid alcoholic and everybody knows her, and everybody is generally shy of the situation
9. We have three kids, and that means not a lot of leaving the house or date nights.
But the real reason is that it can be hard to put yourself out there. I haven't dated for 12 years, but I recognized the feeling when I ask someone new to go out for lunch or meet up. The same butterflies.
The strange part is, no one is taking me up! I don't know what to do! So far my efforts are leading me to believe I should start a new temperence league with the super young do-gooders and the retirees. But my propensity for wine sipping and swearing would skew that.
PS. I am in Tulsa. Seriously, lets go get a glass of wine and discuss Bigger Love.
I hear you all with the friend thing. Though I am blessed with lots of friends all I wanted today was to to out to lunch, got my hair cut this morning and it looked great, this deserved lunch in my mind and even with a long list of friends I couldn't think of one person to call on the spur of the moment to have lunch. The group ranges from too much drama (yes, distancing myself as much as possible) to too many kids, out of town, married with no kids and they spend the w/e together, etc. So, get the BFF matching service up and running and I am there.
@littlemama. Get a new doctor, call and talk to the nurse, got to ER, if you don't advocate for yourself who will?
@just me...Congrats! I want to be you and am trying to be you. (Maybe I could meet a lunch buddy at the gym?)
Off to clean because that's way better then sitting on the couch.
Happy Sunday to all.